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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She makes video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me serving as her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest assisting her make content.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we make together can achieve: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal videographer, but friends help each other in small ways. My assumption was recording a clip now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I value our friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to honor Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some authentic memories, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their bond?